The @-Work Nettwerk
Mundane Tasks and Capitalist Pig-Dog Commands

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Intro Page Next Installment

Volume One

The salad I ate for lunch was really good, but it made me need to go to the bathroom.

Last week I played hide and seek with the office printers. I sent print jobs to random printers and searched until I found where they printed to. Then I shredded the needless waste and recycled it.

The cleaning man hasn't been in today, so the space under my trash can still smells like coffee, tissues and banana peel.

www.boobs.com, www.breasts.com, www.knockers.com, www.mangos.com, www.soleilmoonfrye.com

Job is generally dull.

Last week my supervisor insisted that I go to the state fair with my mother or not bother to come to work on Tuesday. I went and saw goats and ate cheese on a stick. I came to work today and he asked if I ate the mini donuts. I said "yes."

I masturbated in the bathroom again. I know that I shouldn't but I was really tense this morning.

Today I labled everything. TABLE. CHAIR. PEN. MONITOR. KEYBOARD. BOOK ABOUT THE KEYBOARD. BOOK ABOUT MICROSOFT. etc... All on little postit notes--multi-colored. By the time I was done, it was clearly art. And I was nearly sent home.

www.sex.com, www.humping.com, www.laid.com, www.soleilmoonfrye.com

Somebody called my desk looking for somebody else. I said, "I'm not Kurt, but I would love to talk." It turns out she was calling from AT & T, and Kurt hadn't taken care of the bill. I expect to see him fired shortly.

Volume Two

***I noticed someone had left the remains of their trial size packet of Summer's Eve (registered trademark) in the bathroom stall I happened to be using. Normally I try to do my part to clean up after litterbugs, but this time I just didn't want to go there. An interesting side note is that it looked like a packet of catsup. ***

I and the two others who work on the performing arts project are all wearing red shirts today. Unfortunately we are taking no collective actions beyond complaining on lunch break.

My interview went well, but I think she caught me clevage-gazing.

It takes 26 seconds for the elevator to get to the 12th floor if uninterrupted. 27 seconds on Mondays.

When I knock over my ceramic mug it sounds like bottles of alcohol clinking together. A coworker told me I need to me more discreet with my habits in the workplace. She doesn't know the half of it.

My boss is named Mr. Burns (and has the money and disposition to match his name). He asked me to clean out the credenza in his office. I only cleaned the half that did not include balled-up dirty underwear.

The Unemployed Perspective: I find myself brushing my teeth for something to do. On the upside though, I'm getting some good reading done--I just read a fine article on Missy Elliot from the June issue of Pulse! magazine. When my parents aren't around, my brother smokes his really schwag-ass weed in the bathroom, making it stink. I have duly reprimanded him. I am also considering masturbation.

Missed the seat today. Get it tomorrow.

Odwalla Superfood, makes a good on-the-way-to-work breakfast. It's green and thick.

Today I sat in my cubicle searching for extraterrestrial life on the internet. The signals from outer space range from deep red to light blue, and I watch them instead of working. When I discover other lifeforms I can ditch this job because I'll be famous.

Oh, I get it, "American Standard."

After one stupid call too many from the stupid general public, I finally said, "Why don't you go ask Jeeves."